Why are the lyrics to Wichita Lineman running through my mind? I need you more than want you....And I want you for all time. Perhaps that is how I feel about my marriage. I need him, but as far as wanting in a sexual way - that doesn’t matter so much to me anymore. The physical touch of handholding and hugging and a slow dance warms my heart so much more....I need to understand and be continually aware of his needs even if I don’t understand.
Tired of emptying the dishwasher, planning meals, cooking meals, cleaning up the kitchen, filling water, hanging and folding clothes. This wasn’t quite the plan. But this is my life and I will accept it. I am really so blessed. I really have nothing to complain about.
The absence of large family gatherings for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Sometimes that makes me so sad. Why do things have to change? And, I confess to liking change. But the change in family dynamics is not part of change that I like. Could be part of why I don’t want to decorate etc. Some of that comes from having to do it all myself. I miss having all that “stress” folks complain about during the holidays.
Oh - I also do not like being in charge of the finances. I hate paying all the bills.
My son...I really don’t know what to say. He is so like me in procrastination. I am so sad about that. I had hoped he really had things more together. He makes me sad that he doesn’t want to call - he seems superficial in his conversations with us....I have almost begun to hate the drums. He is obsessed and I am not sure in the right way.
I feel so disconnected from my grandchildren right now. It is not fun for them here right now. I miss them and want to spend time with them. I don’t know what to do -
Church - I NEED CHURCH FRIENDS. I don’t know how to handle all this. God, you and you alone give me the strength to manage. I am not happy in a silo of worship.
What a whiner I am.
I have so much to be thankful for.
I just need to get this mess off my chest.
I love you, Lord. Your steadfast LOVE endures forever.
You are really all I need.
No one compares to you.
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