Who really realizes how valuable your dominate hand really is? When you have limited use the impact is real!!
It is improving. Still cramps - still have some shooting pain.
Oh, how I want to be able to write with a pen comfortably.
Phone interview with Western Governors University (WGU) during lunch today.
Harder for me to type out my pros and cons.
Will have to do that tonight.
Soni - Cancer S&*$^. Yes, it is bad.
But, what about the 24 year old with Type 1 DM, Autism, Mental health issues. Etc...What about his parents? What were the hopes and dreams?
Dwarfs-
CF-
So so many diseases.
Lord you are in control and I thank you for my health.
Tuesday, June 11, 2019
Saturday, June 1, 2019
thoughts, questions, life
Recuperating from my hand surgery...left fand typing because of the cramp/pain just experienced in my right.
So many thoughts this morning.
Life is not turning out as I expected.
- I changed jobs and do not like much of anything about what I do now.
- Keven is not the same. Chronic pain.
- No role in the church, my own fault.
Pain - when someone has cancer knowledge of the pain and recognition and treatment is understood. Yet when someone suffers from chronic back pain there is no understanding, no real answers. Keven is in so much pain. So hard for me, a stoic to understand. It is like he has reflector vision and can only see himself. He rarely smiles. No laughter. I do not know what to do, what to say.
Yesterday I wanted to go out for lunch, yes it was Saturday and it was 12 o'clock and we were in Madison. He was cranky and offered to pick up Chick fil la. We probably spent 20 minutes in line, when we could have enjoyed a nice sit-down lunch. All because he did not want to wait.
Reading Proverbs this morning.
Wisdom -
Fear the Lord. Those that do will live in safety and be at ease.
Cry out for understanding. Search for it. He guards the course and protects the way.
Keep His commands in your heart. They will bring peace and prosperity.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Don't lean on yourself.
Fear the Lord.
Get wisdom.
Give careful thought to the paths of your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Proverbs 4:26.
Typing is hard....
Thoughts on pain-cancer-life
I am sad because last week I wrote about things in life and somehow I did not save it.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be saved.
Yesterday I visited with my friend Aimee Burrow. She has cancer. She has been clear for three years now. But she must have chemo once a week to live. So far the drug is working for her. However, it affects her heart. She saw the cardiologist this week and her ejection fraction is down 5% and there is some thickening of one of her ventricles. The thickening will never change. This is the first time there has been a negative result.
She was hesitant to open up-I probed with some questions. I could tell she wanted to share something but at the same time, she never wants to appear down. Finally she said-when they told me about my cancer and it was such as poor prognosis and I thought I was going to die, I went through all the stages of grief and sadness-Sad because I wouldn't see my boys get married (they didn't have girlfriends at that time-one was in HS). Sad and afraid. But she said she made the decision to fight and keep working and live her daily life just as she had done for years. And - the drugs worked!! And she has been cancer free for 3 years. And - her boys both have women in their lives that she thinks may be "the one". Then the heart visit-the news that the chemo is affecting her heart. The drug that has kept her alive is now hurting the organ that gives life. So, once again she is battling those internal feelings....Grief, sadness. Uncertainty in life. Physically she feels great! It is just those stupid "What ifs?" that are attacking her.
Then she talked about Jesus. How Jesus stayed calm and knew he would die, he just continued to follow the plan for his life. How Jesus prayed. How Jesus followed the will of His Father. And so she wants to be calm, pray, follow God's will. Find joy in everything. She said she will return to counseling. That it helped her process everything.
Lord, your plans are always good and right. Help us all to remember that you are in control.
Keep my eyes and ears and heart open to what you want me to see, say and do.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be saved.
Yesterday I visited with my friend Aimee Burrow. She has cancer. She has been clear for three years now. But she must have chemo once a week to live. So far the drug is working for her. However, it affects her heart. She saw the cardiologist this week and her ejection fraction is down 5% and there is some thickening of one of her ventricles. The thickening will never change. This is the first time there has been a negative result.
She was hesitant to open up-I probed with some questions. I could tell she wanted to share something but at the same time, she never wants to appear down. Finally she said-when they told me about my cancer and it was such as poor prognosis and I thought I was going to die, I went through all the stages of grief and sadness-Sad because I wouldn't see my boys get married (they didn't have girlfriends at that time-one was in HS). Sad and afraid. But she said she made the decision to fight and keep working and live her daily life just as she had done for years. And - the drugs worked!! And she has been cancer free for 3 years. And - her boys both have women in their lives that she thinks may be "the one". Then the heart visit-the news that the chemo is affecting her heart. The drug that has kept her alive is now hurting the organ that gives life. So, once again she is battling those internal feelings....Grief, sadness. Uncertainty in life. Physically she feels great! It is just those stupid "What ifs?" that are attacking her.
Then she talked about Jesus. How Jesus stayed calm and knew he would die, he just continued to follow the plan for his life. How Jesus prayed. How Jesus followed the will of His Father. And so she wants to be calm, pray, follow God's will. Find joy in everything. She said she will return to counseling. That it helped her process everything.
Lord, your plans are always good and right. Help us all to remember that you are in control.
Keep my eyes and ears and heart open to what you want me to see, say and do.
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